A Life of Ambivalence: Exploring ADHD through Autoethnography

Abstract

The focus of this paper is to examine the complexities of living with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, otherwise known as ADHD. This paper focuses on the American context due to the alarmingly accelerated rates of ADHD diagnoses and prescription medications. To explore this, I use autoethnography in order to provide a rich and thick description of ADHD from an insider perspective, a perspective too often left out of the research and dominant discourses surrounding one of the most controversial and highly contested childhood disorders. More specifically, autoethnography is a research method that “…[produces] meaningful, accessible, and evocative research grounded in personal experience…that would sensitize readers to issues of identity politics, to experiences shrouded in silence, and to forms of representation that deepen our capacity to empathize with people who are different from us” (Ellis et al. 2011). For this reason, this paper is written in first-person, contains emotionally charged statements from journal entries and past experiences, utilizes other archival data such as confidential files of ADHD diagnoses, and also considers the perspectives of those directly involved in my own diagnosis of ADHD; consequently, I “…acknowledge and accommodate subjectivity, emotionality, and [my own] influence on research, rather than [hide] from these matters or [assume] they don’t exist” (Ellis et al. 2011).

This paper sheds light on how teachers, professors, pediatricians, and family members became part of the intricate web of my own diagnosis, which includes layered stories involving denial, resistance, misunderstanding, acceptance, personal growth, and perseverance. These stories take the reader throughout the earliest stages of my own discovery of ADHD in elementary school to early adulthood. With the use of pseudonyms, the identities of those involved in these discussions are hidden, however certain identities cannot be hidden due to close relationships to the researcher. Full consent to disclose information has been granted, which primarily includes excerpts and conversations from close relatives.

There are two goals of this research: to give powerful institutions valuable insight regarding the nuances of living with ADHD in order to better provide individuals with the care and resources needed to succeed, and to inspire those who face similar difficulties within the multitude of different and unique experiences of ADHD.